[a short skit opens the beginning of the song]

Hello, I'm Dr. Greenthumb
Have you ever had the problem of running out of weed
and just can't find some anywhere?
Well try my Dr. Greenthumb grow tips
I'll show you how to grow inside and out
From seed to clone, and the best homegrown
And if you're afraid of those pesky pork choppers in the sky
No worries, we'll fix them too
with one of our Dr. Greenthumb 'Sizzlean' screens
to block the nosy pig's vision
Don't believe me?
Just ask one of my many satisfied clients here Jed Sanders
how well it works

Hyuh, hyuh, hello mah name is Jaid
And ahm a farmer and I've been growin
mary-jah-wana fer about twenty years and uhh
uhh, with Dr. Greenthumb's 'Sizzlean' screen
I don't hafta point my shotgun
at them pesky porkers no more
Thanks Dr. Green, you're tha shit

Yes, Dr. Greenthumb's got it all, I guarantee it
Try my book and you'll have the chronic in no time
[lighter flicks] Dial 1-800-713-GROW
[inhaling noise] That's 1-800 (cough cough) (inhale)
[lighter flicks] 713 (cough cough)
G (inhale) R (inhale) O-W

"Hello Dr. Greenthumb, paging Dr. Greenthumb!"

[B-Real]

Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb
I'd like to tell you just where I'm from
In the hills where the trees grow wild with weed fields
The fucking pigs with shields holding the blue steels
Greenhouse effect with the weed connect
(Doctor) DEA can't keep Greenthumb in check (Doctor!)
HPS, God Bless the whole crop
Please God, don't let me see no cops
Trunkload, ready to hit the highway
Don't let the eye in the sky fly my way
or we gonna have big trouble, that's no shit
Can't be growin without no permit
but fuck that, I study the 215 trip
That way when they come they can suck my dick
Weed can't grow without attention
Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

[Chorus:]

[B-Real] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb
[SenDog] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb!
[B-Real] I'd like to tell you just where I'm from
[SenDog] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb
[B-Real] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb
[SenDog] Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb!
[B-Real] I'd like to tell you just where I'm from
[SenDog] Aiyyo Dr. Greenthumb, come on back one time!

[B-Real]

People can't live without the herb man
If not they'd be drinkin and drivin and swervin
but thanks to Dr. Greenthumb weed grow
in the backyard or inside with hydro
To the cush plant brushin a tangerine dream
Tasty, blowin a fuckin smokescreen
Cycles of weed are constantly grown
Somebody give me the razor to cut groves
I'd like to stop, but it feels so good
Horny plants stinkin up my whole neighborhood
Sticky angel, I wanna leave it alone
but never ever ever gotta worry from my home
What that funny sound knockin at the door (Open up it's the DEA!)
Sorry Greenthumb can't talk no more
Please don't follow me into the sun
Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

[Chorus 1/2]

[B-Real]

Out from the lab, no need for rehab
If I can't drive then call me a cab (ese!)
In my closet the weed is dried out
Like Eiht said, ain't no place to hide out
I don't wanna buy no weed from no cop
Get knocked up and they close up my shop
That's why I buy no weed from no one
That's why they call me Dr. Greenthumb
The scientifical, mystical one
Growin my crops with the rays of the sun
Come one come all and see how it's done
If you see the pigs there's no need to run
Cause some of these pigs are down with Greenthumb
But you never know what be the outcome
You see the photo in the album
The weed is growin like my erection
Look I never told you where I was from
Some call me Real, but I'm Dr. Greenthumb

[Chorus]

Dr. Greenthumb
Doctor, your Bulova plant needs special tending to
Doctor, we need more oxygen we need more CO2
Doctor, Dr. Greenthumb you're needed
Doctor, dahyahahahhh... Doctor